Instead of focusing on one movie today I decided to look ahead to what I can hope to see this summer. So I eagerly clicked over to Fandango, scrolled down the Coming Soon link, and let my face turn into a crinkled mess of disappointment.
Understand that I love movies just like anybody else, but I have grown tired of the same line-up and plot lines each summer: one or two animated features (usually at least one is a sequel), the alien movie, the superhero movie, the crude funny movies, and the just plain scary why the heck is that fun to watch movie. Unfortunately, this summer’s expected box office hits don’t look much better:
Snow White and the Huntsmen: This one is for anyone who didn’t see the other Snow White movie a month ago, or anyone who did and wants to see the same plot line in a darker setting. Next time they should just combine the two so that Julia Roberts can fight Charlize Theron in a duel for the best wicked queen. For some reason Hollywood is really into remakes of the old classics lately, and for an even odder reason we continue to be ok with the same story in a slightly different angle.
Prometheus: Again we are fascinated with the possibility of life on other planets. It is an eternal shoe-in for a Hollywood hit to stun us with the terrorizing possibilities of what else might be out there. Personally, I’m happy to be oblivious here on Earth.
Look’s kind of like Indiana Jones mixed with The Walking Dead mixed with something really frightening – sounds fun huh?
The Amazing Spiderman: Since I’m not very knowledgeable about the plethora of superheroes out there, as you might have realized after my post on The Avengers, this one puzzled me because I thought the same movie already came out a few years ago, and then again. Either way this shows that we can continue to be entertained by the same storyline as long as the special effects and action scenes are improved.
Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted – Here’s that sequel I mentioned! I’m sure kids will love it, and if they don’t Ice Age 3 comes out in late July (maybe as some kind of heat escape joke). But really, wouldn’t we all have been fine if they stopped at 1?
Rock of Ages – Finally our one heart-warming, funny, probably very cheesy, musical number for all the nostalgic 80’s fans out there. This reminds me of when Hairspray came out many summers ago – it’s either going to be a total flop or a big win. But who doesn’t want to see Alec Baldwin in tight leather pants? (for my sarcastic-deficient audience out there I am kidding about Alec Baldwin)
In Rock of Ages you get Alec Baldwin and Tom Cruise at their best looking – how could you resist?
That’s My Boy: Although I am a fan of classic Adam Sandler movies like Happy Gilmore, this movie seems to be another set of crude, wild antics disguised as humor. It is also following the comedic trend of playing off of wedding disasters, taking the lead from The Hangover and Bridesmaids. Although many people consider these to be comedy gold mines, I wonder why our funny movies must all be rated-R nowadays…
Ted: Releasing later in the summer is the same kind of funny mentioned above, an R-rated “funny” sure to ruin all of our ideas about the beloved teddy bear we had as a kid. Again – why?
Now that is some good clean funny – oh wait never mind.
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter – I suppose saving America from slavery wasn’t enough, because now we need the story of how “Lincoln vows to save America from the walking dead.” Well with a synopsis like that who wouldn’t want to see a revered American president slice off a vampire’s head? This proves though that the vampire trend is still alive and well in Hollywood, this one is just the alternate to the final Twilight.
Katy Perry: Part of Me – This is the sequel to the Justin Beiber movie that came out two summers ago – oh it’s not? But they both wear the same pants… No matter, this proves the American fascination with famous people’s personal lives, because we can’t be satisfied with our own. Nice marketing strategy Hollywood, I see how this works out… for your already loaded pocketbook.
Brave: Now I am totally biased on this one (well technically all of them because this is a list of my silly opinions but ya) because I love Disney and Pixar, but this will probably be one of the only movies this summer without cursing, alcohol, sex, drugs, or any of that other hoo-ha we are mesmerized by. So ya I think this one will be good.